There are three more breeds of chickens that I need but I am trying to be patient and find them locally.  Patient is not my thang.

I’ve been in the yard as much as possible and seen all sorts of delicious things.  Remember how we had a vole run through the living room and something trying to get us in the attic?  We threw traps and poison from stem to stern and have heard nothing else.  Not a peep.  That is until I was cleaning out some leaves from the Spanish Lavender when the Ghost of Christmas Past rose up and almost gave me a heart attack.  Befuckinghold:

That is NASTY!  Of course, I left it out on the walk as a warning to anything else that may be thinking of invading my home.  We have rules:  you stay outside and I leave you alone – well, I still may shoot you with fox pee, but I don’t kill you.  You come inside and you’re mine.  While visual aid was laying there and I was knitting on a sock, some fucker from the neighborhood association came up on my porch, with his DOG, and interrupted a serious dilemma to tell me they were celebrating the park’s 125th anniversary and I should be there.  When he only got “okay” and the stink eye for his dog he huffed off with a “sorry” like he’s 10 years old, which is really an insult to my 10 year old who doesn’t act like that.  She also knows better than to take her dogs up onto some stranger’s porch.  Fuckhead.  And no, I didn’t go to the park thing as it involved all sorts of public prayers by the local churches.  I don’t like any persons religion up in my face, thankyouveryfuckingmuch.

Now, it was either that day or a day close to it that we celebrated Mutha Fucka Day!  I know I won’t ever get Mother of the Year so we just get down to the real deal around here.  I am an asshole and I am a bitch to live with.  I know this and they know this but they love me anyway.  And, truth be told, I am a pretty good mutha even if I am a bit lot unorthodox in my methods.  The Girl made breakfast for me and she and Mr. gave me some new Chuckie T.’s, in blue and in natural, since I’ve been wearing mine since forever and they are jacked up.  Then we ran out to Mom’s for dinner.  One of the best parts was that I received a card from Celia wishing my Happy Mother Fucker’s Day!  I was so surprised yet so thrilled that she remembered!  She really is a sweetheart.  I do hope her day was as good as mine.

On the topic of gardening I’ve got this weird plant growing.  I put it in last year and really like it, but can’t for the life of me remember what the hell it is.  If anyone has a clue please send it my way.  This is the base:

and it has this super duper long assed flower:

What is it?  I do have normal things, like this lily:

We’ve finally gotten the rest of the annuals in and the veg garden is going gangbusters.  I should have rutabega in a week or two, along with tomatoes and cukes.  Those two are going to take over if I don’t watch it.  I’ve also already had banana peppers come in and I am now waiting on the habaneros and bell peppers.  Oh, and I’ve got some strawberries and rhubarb and asparagus.  Seriously?  I am turning into FarmerfuckingTed.

What else?  Oh yeah, the wildlife tried to get us at work too.

That’s a black rat snake and that is my front door at work.  It’s all crinkled up because a mockingbird had just pecked it.  That’s balls considering that snake eats birds  Now I gotta get rid of it before my leadperson at work gets wind that there is a snake about.  He won’t come into work if he knows it’s there and I need him to be there.

This past weekend we all rode out bikes over to Lenny’s for Mondo Homo 2008.  What.a.total.blast!  Bands, booze and great people.  Shitty Candy was a total hit.  I love women that can throw it down.

and the marching band at the end got The Girl going:

And there you have it:  the update from the ATL.  Knitting content on the flip, dig?

innocuous enough, no? He’s goofy, he smells a little at times, food is his only motivation and low and behold his pee is magic! At some point I witnessed him lifting his leg on my cacti and thought it was all over but apparently this certain brand of cacti is of the masochistic “give me a golden shower and I will perform for you” variety. Who knew? I have proof though:

I might just get that dog to pee on my jade plant next.

I am using Jagger Spun Zephyr in Sage with clear rainbow beads on Addi Lace #4 needles. I had to order everything as I haven’t ever done a lace project like this – simple lace socks are it for my experience so far – so I had nothing in the stash that was appropriate. Since I jumped on the bandwagon at the last minute having to wait on orders put me ever further behind. I had to put in two bead orders too, since none of the colors I bought in the first round worked with the yarn. I have to say though that all of the vendors I used are excellent. Sarah’s Yarns, The Beadwrangler and Yarn and Fiber all got my orders to me in three days or less – from order to my door. That’s better than pretty damned good. So, I’ve got my swatches done and am ready to cast on. I am really looking forward to this.

Wild kingdom continues around the house. Snakes, Voles and more lizards

It’s a baby and it was hiding in my Dahlias

Hopefully it will eat up some of the garden spiders. I know they can be a sign of a healthy garden but they are everywhere and I usually end up noticing them only after I’ve got web all over my hands. Ick. Sorry, Charlotte.

Off to start Clue #1.

that, y’all, would be what I pulled out of the garden last night. The garden in my urban coalandgravelandcarpart encrusted yard. Lookit that radish! A full on radish! I don’t even care much for them but I will be eating this one. Next to it are the green beans. I’ve got loads more that will be ready in a day or two. Now, that green pepper is a little puny size-challenged, but that is only because the plant isn’t getting enough sun. It’s in between two ginormous tomatoes which seem to be blocking out all the rays. I will be moving said pepper plant as soon as our front porch is done. That should be this weekend. Explain this to me. We go months and months with no rain. Big drought. No outdoor watering. Fines and jail time and no water if you get busted, the whole shebang. We finally get to our fourth week of porch work. This week we are ready to get the finish put down on the floor and what happens? Rain expected. ALL WEEK! What the mother fucking hell is that? It’s raining right now. It rained yesterday. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow and the next day. All I want is to get my porch done. It’s not like another week with no rain was really going to matter anyway. Hell, the rain we are getting now isn’t really making a difference, we’re so far under. It couldn’t have waited one more week? This is my life. I’ve got half a porch and a radish. Oh, and Grasshopper socks that are still not done.

we worked in the yard…

we took sock pictures…

And now, I will shower and go to bed.

Catch you on the flip side.